Post-hysterectomy intimacy

Warning:  As the title suggest, there will be talk of intimate issues!

One thing the testosterone has done for me is increased my libido. A LOT.  To the point that LAST Thursday, (5 weeks 1 day post op) I called my doctor’s office and talked to the surgical nurse to see if  we could get the all clear to have sex. I really didn’t want to wait for another week.  She told me to “Go for it!” Since my surgery was abdominal and there was no vaginal cuff to worry about, there was no physical reason for me to wait if I wanted to try now.  And she was thrilled that *I* was the one initiating this.  In fact, the husband had no idea that I had called and asked.  We hadn’t even discussed it.  But I have been thinking about it SO MUCH I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. I decided not to tell him until I got the answer because I didn’t want to get his ummm… hopes up. 

When I told him, the look on his face alone made the call worth it.  You’d have thought he’d found a Red Ryder BB gun under the Christmas tree. 

So, Friday morning, after the girls all left the house, we went for a test drive.  Obviously we took everything VERY slowly. I did notice some discomfort. Not quite sure what it was from. Something we will be bringing up with the doctor. It wasn’t a deal breaker. And for the most part…all systems were go! And quite frankly, the body is almost hyper sensitive. 

Something we have noticed that REALLY shocked us, after years of almost always needing KY…dryness is no longer an issue! WTH??  NOT what we expected!  Not what I had been told to expect!

UNFORTUNATELY, even though we were being VERY careful and gentle, the minor variation of a relatively vanilla position caused serious pain afterwards. This was from the stent trauma. All my pain was on the left side of my abdomen, where the stent had been located. I had not even take that into consideration. Never occurred to me this would be a problem. 

Sadly, it left me in a fair amount of pain for the rest of the day. I had to take multiple pain pills throughout, just to bring it down to a tolerable level.  The pain FINALLY stopped after 1:00am when I took 2 ibuprofen.  I needed the anti-inflammatory more than I needed the Rx pills. Felt really stupid for not realizing that sooner.

I am doing much better now.  And quite frankly, anxious to get back at it.  However, we decided to wait until after the 6 week follow up before we tried again.  Luckily, I guess, the husband has been out of town on travel, so I haven’t had to deal with the temptation.  And thankfully, tomorrow is the doctor’s appointment, the husband will be home and the house will be empty.  I am predicting better results this time.  At least I sure hope so. 

**Update: Doctor's visit went great.  Round two when we got home. Made sure to be cautious not to aggravate ureter site. Everything went great. Feeling so very positive about this.   

Post-hysterectomy Intimacy

I am finding this a bit more difficult to type out than I anticipated and have debated whether or not to include this “overshare.” 

Here’s the thing, if my hope is to in some way help other women who are dealing with the same fears and questions I am having, then I am doing a disservice if I am not completely honest about my experinces.  So, this will include rather intimate details about my current state of…what…sexual awareness?  Activity?  Ability? I just want to put the warning out there.  As of now, it is really only friends and family reading my blog. I know some of you will not be the least fazed by this and for others, the mere thought of reading it will make you do the “icky” dance.  But as much as I love you all, I am not sharing this for your sake.  I am sharing it for those other women.  My fellow “hystersisters” as it were.  http://www.hystersisters.com/

******
Sex is a HUGE concern (for some women…not all) when facing the decision to have a hysterectomy.  We wonder if we will deal with pain, if we will feel “different” for our partner, or if we will be able to orgasm again.  Will we WANT to have sex or will our desire for it be completely gone?   

Intimacy is an important facet of most healthy marriages.  (I say “most” and not all because there ARE couples who are not ABLE to have sex and yet maintain a loving and strong relationship)  It can strengthen or defeat a relationship. Being concerned about whether everything is going to work…physically and mentally…is completely normal and not at all silly.  My best advice is to ask other women who have had a hysterectomy, how it affected their sex lives.  That is what I did, and MOST of the answers that I received were very positive.  That helped a lot since I had been reading some negative stories online. Having that reassurance has kept me from becoming overwhelmed with worry.

OK. On to my personal experiences…

A bit of back story.  I have mentioned before, I have never had a terribly high sex drive.  I am sure MUCH of it has to do with sexual hang-ups from the way I was raised…and I have had a hell of a time purging that BS out of my brain.  Even after being married for 23 years, I still have feelings of guilt surrounding sex. (THAT is another blog entry in and of itself!)  Another issue is self-esteem. I am carrying about 60 extra pounds and have a hard time accepting that my husband really truly wants to be with me. (Which he really, truly does.)  Hell, even when I was at my ideal weight…I had a hard time believing it.  All that being said, once things are rollin’ and I get past my hang-ups, I REALLY enjoy that time with my husband. 

Many women with endometriosis suffer from extremely painful intercourse. Often times this involves severe pain if their partner bumps their cervix. This is ONE of the reasons some women have TOTAL hysterectomies. My situation is different. I have been incredibly lucky and have had very little pain with sex. And…well, that bumping of the cervix is sort of a thing for me.  I like it…a lot. In my case, it produces some pretty fabulous orgasms.  And that was the primary reason I asked my doctor if I could keep my cervix. (supracervical hysterectomy) Thankfully, he said yes. However, I was prepared for him to say that it would be better if he took it out.  As it turns out, it is a good thing that I asked to keep it. Had I not, there would have been MORE complications during my surgery. (story for another time)   

Here we are…post hysterectomy.  Obviously, the first few days after surgery, I was too out of it and uncomfortable enough that my future sex life was not even on my radar.  But I was shocked at how quickly my subconscious got back in the game. Within 2 weeks post op, I had 3 rather steamy dreams about my husband.  The third, surprisingly…happily…lead to a “nocturnal orgasm.”  Yes, it’s a thing.  Some women do experience them in their sleep. For me, pre-surgery it was not nearly as fun as it may sound. My uterine contractions were so strong that they HURT.  THIS TIME…no pain.  Although I did feel, what I can only describe as, phantom contractions.  No uterus, so no contractions. But I still felt them?  Weird stuff.

I have also found that my desire for my husband has increased a great deal. (Thus the "back story" above)  I am not sure how much of it has to do with the hormone therapy and how much of it has to do with “wanting what I am not allowed to have.”   Regardless, I am counting the days until my six week checkup, when I should get the green light to give the new bod a test drive.  In the meantime, we did find out that topical stimulation IS safe and learned that, at the very least, I will be able to experience an external orgasm.  I know 6 weeks is not a terribly long time, but I am grateful we can enjoy this form of intimacy until then. 

I am still very nervous about how things will go “the first time.”  I think it will be better than post-partum sex.  Quite frankly, THAT sucked. It took months for that to stop being uncomfortable.  Since nothing was done to me vaginally and I still have my cervix, I have hopes that the pain will be minimal or non-existent.  I am also hoping that this new found “interest” sticks around for a while.  I think it would do the husband (and his ego) a world of good knowing I couldn’t keep my hands off him. He certainly deserves that.