Hormone Stuff

Getting a little worried.  Friday was a rough day.  Started off OK at 5:00am, but 2 hours later I was anxious and agitated.  And the day just got worse from there. Nothing set it off. Just felt “bad.”   By the time we hit the road for Bloomington, around 7:00pm, I was a mess.  And the fact that all the crazy drivers in Indiana appear to live on the south side, did not help. 

One woman intentionally tried to run us into the lane to our right, where there were other cars. (and yes, I am POSITIVE it was intentional.)  In my 24 years of driving, I think I have only flipped the bird 2 times.  Friday night was my 3^rd.   I also called her some names that I am not terribly proud of and wished terrible things on her.  Maybe, if I had been alone in the car, I would not have said that I hoped she would have a horrible, single car accident.  But I wasn’t alone. My girls and husband were with me and all I could think about was ripping that woman’s throat out with my bare hands.  The sheer RAGE that I felt was incredibly intense. And it took over an hour for me to calm down.  Once I did, I was really ashamed of myself.  It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde.  (Given the chance though, I’d still like punch her in the face and burn her driver's license.)

Saturday morning was better.  I spent it outside at Lake Lemon with my family, watching my sister in law compete in her first sprint triathlon.  And I got to spend hours doing one of the things I love the most…taking pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Sadly, I am an idiot and did not check to see WHICH SD card I had.  I didn’t even KNOW we owned a 2gb card!  I hit 500 pictures and the card was FULL!  Thankfully, I had time to go through and delete a bunch of pictures so I didn’t miss any shots of the sister.  (who, by the way, got 2^nd in her age group!)   I did a lot of running around and ended up a bit sore. But it was a good sore. (on the other hand, I feel like a total wuss for admitting that after watching all those people finish racing.) 

Lake Lemon the morning of the triathlon.

Later, we went out to dinner at a restaurant with a beautiful view of the lake and valley.  We listened to live jazz and had a great meal. Unfortunately, I was still feeling “off.” I can’t put my finger on it, but I was still agitated.  The band was great, but a bit too loud for me.  The people sitting behind us were far too close.  It was very difficult to just immerse myself in the surroundings and ENJOY it. I was never able to just relax. Even after a glass of wine.  Perfect weather, good music, very yummy wine, my beautiful family…what’s not to love?  Why should I feel less than happy?  

Statue in front of Scenic View restaurant.

Today has been more of the same. But a bit worse. Feeling blue. Feeling anxious. Tears for no reason.  A bit of anger…for various reasons.  Can’t shake it.   Desperately wanting to “run away.” 

Really hoping that this is just a bad couple of days.  Just some of the fluctuations that come with menopause and hormone therapy.  The doctor told me to chart days like these. Might mean I need to adjust my treatments.

 I know this will take a while. Levels need to adjust and all that.  I just HATE feeling like this when I know there is no real “external” reason for it.  

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* I HIGHLY recommend The Scenic View resteraunt if you are ever in Bloomington. 

Well, THAT Was Embarrassing

Guess I could have made “People of Walmart” today had some jerk been standing behind me and thought to take pictures. *sigh*

I was walking through the store this morning and I noticed a friend I hadn’t seen in months so I waved him down.  We stood there talking for close to 40 minutes, mostly commiserating about our young adult children.  As we were standing there (off to the side, not blocking traffic), I noticed that I started to sweat. My hair was getting damp. The back of my neck was soaked. The longer we talked, the more sweat was trickling down my back and past the waist band of the pants.  What the heck?  It didn’t feel like a typical hot flash. I never felt “hot.”  I just started to sweat, a LOT.

Promising to get together soon for a game night or cookout, we went our separate ways and I continued shopping.  After a few minutes I started noticing that my pants were actually feeling damp.  On a hunch I made my way to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and nearly started to cry. The back of my pants were soaked. SERIOUSLY soaked! I looked like I’d had some sort of accident.  All the way up the seam and about 2 inches out on either side.  And there was nothing I could do.  Well, I guess I could have taken my pants off and held them under the hand dryer…and prayed that nobody walked in on me. 

As discretely as I could manage, I tried to use my purse to cover as much of my backside as possible. (It is not an easy task with a butt this size and a tiny purse! WHY did I start using a small purse???)  I left my cart between two racks of clothes and exited the store.  (No groceries were in the cart, thank goodness) 

Guess I am going to have to be very careful with the kind of fabrics I buy in the future. Had I been wearing jeans, it would not have been very noticeable.  Or, I could just make sure I always have a sweater on me. Something to tie around my waist when needed.  Ya know, I’d thought those days were over once the uterus was gone.

The joys of menopause.

Ahhhh…there they are!

 I have been feeling SO good and SO positive the last few days.  Absolutely thrilled at the lack of the dreaded roller-coaster ride of emotions.  Very few moments of feeling down.  Somehow avoiding or dodging the post hysterectomy blues. 

 

Well, today I found them. Or, they found me.  In fact I am pretty sure they had been following at a distance this whole time, snuck up fast, and rear-ended me into the path of an oncoming truck. But it was one of those small, compact pickup trucks. Not an 18 wheeler.  And I was wearing my seatbelt. Things could have been a lot worse. 

My suspicion is that lack of sleep is playing a big part in my blueness. I am also pretty sure that going outside at 4:00 am in the pouring rain to chase off an adolescent raccoon that was terrorizing my mama hen and her chicks did not help.  And it probably made matters a little worse that I had to then waddle around the house…in said rain, to try and catch the feline escapee that took advantage of the fact that I left the back door wide open while being distracted by the raccoon.  I was not able to catch the irritating clump of fur and worried about her survival until she decided she wanted in 6 hours later. 

So now I am not feeling terribly positive or upbeat.  In fact I am feeling pretty darn negative.  I am hurting more than I have in days.  Body is bloated. Incision areas are tender. Insides are cramping. I am aware of the stent. And I just want to curl up in the fetal position and feel sorry for myself. But I can’t. Because curling up hurts too much. 

I know that this shall pass. I will be back to feeling better soon. It is all just part of the process.  Blah, blah, blah.  And to be completely honest, regardless of the above complaints, I am still feeling damn lucky.  I just think that I will have to leave the critter chasing to other members of the family for a while.