Sunday, September 15, 2013

Hormone Stuff

Getting a little worried.  Friday was a rough day.  Started off OK at 5:00am, but 2 hours later I was anxious and agitated.  And the day just got worse from there. Nothing set it off. Just felt “bad.”   By the time we hit the road for Bloomington, around 7:00pm, I was a mess.  And the fact that all the crazy drivers in Indiana appear to live on the south side, did not help. 

One woman intentionally tried to run us into the lane to our right, where there were other cars. (and yes, I am POSITIVE it was intentional.)  In my 24 years of driving, I think I have only flipped the bird 2 times.  Friday night was my 3rd.   I also called her some names that I am not terribly proud of and wished terrible things on her.  Maybe, if I had been alone in the car, I would not have said that I hoped she would have a horrible, single car accident.  But I wasn’t alone. My girls and husband were with me and all I could think about was ripping that woman’s throat out with my bare hands.  The sheer RAGE that I felt was incredibly intense. And it took over an hour for me to calm down.  Once I did, I was really ashamed of myself.  It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde.  (Given the chance though, I’d still like punch her in the face and burn her driver's license.)

Saturday morning was better.  I spent it outside at Lake Lemon with my family, watching my sister in law compete in her first sprint triathlon.  And I got to spend hours doing one of the things I love the most…taking pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Sadly, I am an idiot and did not check to see WHICH SD card I had.  I didn’t even KNOW we owned a 2gb card!  I hit 500 pictures and the card was FULL!  Thankfully, I had time to go through and delete a bunch of pictures so I didn’t miss any shots of the sister.  (who, by the way, got 2nd in her age group!)   I did a lot of running around and ended up a bit sore. But it was a good sore. (on the other hand, I feel like a total wuss for admitting that after watching all those people finish racing.) 
Lake Lemon the morning of the triathlon.

Later, we went out to dinner at a restaurant with a beautiful view of the lake and valley.  We listened to live jazz and had a great meal. Unfortunately, I was still feeling “off.” I can’t put my finger on it, but I was still agitated.  The band was great, but a bit too loud for me.  The people sitting behind us were far too close.  It was very difficult to just immerse myself in the surroundings and ENJOY it. I was never able to just relax. Even after a glass of wine.  Perfect weather, good music, very yummy wine, my beautiful family…what’s not to love?  Why should I feel less than happy?  

Statue in front of Scenic View restaurant.

Today has been more of the same. But a bit worse. Feeling blue. Feeling anxious. Tears for no reason.  A bit of anger…for various reasons.  Can’t shake it.   Desperately wanting to “run away.” 

Really hoping that this is just a bad couple of days.  Just some of the fluctuations that come with menopause and hormone therapy.  The doctor told me to chart days like these. Might mean I need to adjust my treatments.

 I know this will take a while. Levels need to adjust and all that.  I just HATE feeling like this when I know there is no real “external” reason for it.  


* I HIGHLY recommend The Scenic View resteraunt if you are ever in Bloomington. 

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