Mostly, I am staying in a good head space. But every now and then I fall back on the nagging fears. Most are pretty normal and understandable. How much pain will I be in? Will I get sick from the meds? Will I have a roommate that snores or talks in her sleep? Will *I* snore or talk in my sleep???
Occasionally there will be the ridiculous few moments of “What if I wake up in the hospital and everyone is gone”…just like Jim in 28 Days Later, or more recently Rick in The Walking Dead. Then I imagine a whole zombie apocalypse scenario, with me trying to fight my way out of the hospital and I am pretty bad ass, until I remember I will be hooked up to a spinal that numbs my lower body and oh yeah…the 8 inch incision will not be conducive to zombie slaying. And I won’t have a 9mm handy and even if I did, I will have a 10lb carry limit, so wouldn't be able to haul enough ammo to make it out of the building, especially if I follow the double tap rule!
Thankfully, today has mostly been a nagging fears sort of day and not a zombie fighting day. Just not feeling as upbeat and positive as I have been. Worried about the pain. When it comes right down to it, I consider myself a wimp. I can suck it up and deal with the pain when I am in public, but the husband knows the real me. He sees me when I am being a big baby at home. Thankfully, he accepts me as I am. Security blanket and all.
Tomorrow is pre-op prep day. I plan to make it as positive a day as possible. Treating myself to a hot stone massage in the morning. Taking the husband to see The Heat in the afternoon so we can laugh. (going to be a struggle though. No popcorn for me!) Then maybe a game of Apples to Apples with the girls when we get home. Then the fun stuff starts. I will pack an overnight bag and then do the prep with Fleets. Can't express my joy.
In other news, I have lost 8lbs since the beginning of June. Weight is another issue I am sure I will bring up later. I have about 60-70 lbs to get rid of. Lost 40lbs a year and a half ago. 35 found their way back home. (I stopped running due to an injury and did not restart. Got bogged down with stress and depression and turned to comfort food…blah, blah, blah) SOOO…I have hopes that once I am recovered, I will restart C25K (Couch to 5K) and get my ample ass moving again.
42 hours to go.